In honor of Kelly's Compositions First Page Blogfest, I'm submitting the first page of a genre that is admittedly out of my league, but I wanted to try it anyway. This is a WIP that has lay dormant for some time now as I patiently await the inspiration to bring it back to life. Hope it pleases...
I want to stay here forever. I tell Galya so as I walk through Faerinspirra’s canopied forest, watching my best friend’s silver-blue wings flutter a few paces ahead of me.
Galya’s silver hair sparkles – just a hue deeper than her wings – and her tawny eyes glow as she turns around suddenly, waits for me to catch up, and then sits on my right shoulder. A faint breeze brushes my ear as her wings slowly come to a halt.
"We should stop and rest, Alex,” she says softly.
I spot a field of acacia stumps – the devastating remains of the war between Ardnaxela and Mergen’s armies – and I sit hesitantly on the purple plateau that once gave life to one of Faerinspirra’s oldest dens.
Galya flutters onto a stump. She begins to rub her small palms together vigorously. I have been in this forest long enough to know that my friend is preparing Durgan’s Elixir, an intoxicating drink spawned from the heart of faeries and served to humans in order to help them tolerate pain. Galya is going to break my heart, and I know there is nothing I can do about it.
In resignation, I accept the liquid-filled walnut shell that Galya offers me. I slowly pour the elixir into my mouth. At first, it feels cool against my teeth, but quickly the temperature rises. I feel a warmness that scares me and calms me at the same time. The thick fluid gets hotter and hotter until I am not sure which burns more – Durgan’s Elixir or the sting of my own tears.
Oh wow, so vivid. I want more. Well done!
ReplyDeleteawww... bittersweet & definitely interesting! wonderful details!
ReplyDeleteVisit My Kingdom Anytime
wow. i'm definitely intrigued.
ReplyDeletegreat, vivid imagery. beautiful!
Great imagery; it draws me right into the story. Bittersweet and evocative, I'd like to read more of this. :)
ReplyDeleteStately and courtly you got tone and voice into the piece. Perhaps, a little tighter?
ReplyDeleteGalya’s silver hair sparkles a hue deeper than her wings. Her tawny eyes glow. She turns, waits for me to catch up, then sits on my right shoulder.
Out of your league, you say? From this piece, I disagree. This is not my genre, but your writing pulled me in. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThis was great! I hope you take it off the shelf and get back to it. I'm hooked and want to read more. I love your descriptions. Thanks for signing up!
ReplyDeleteI was drawn in quickly, feeling for the narrator. And I believe an agent would as well. Your descriptions are vivid.
ReplyDeleteAn agent once told me she absolutely hated long arcane words she had no clue how to pronounce. I was a tower of restaint and did not denounce her as a Philistine. {Out loud.} But my best friend said the same. We writers have to be careful with place names like Faerinspirra. Sadly, we must cater to the limitations of the perspectives of the agents whose interest we wish to snare.
I just mentioned that to help aid you in obtaining that all important agent or publisher. Seeing as how I am unpublished, how wise could I be?
Come check out my first page and see if I have impaled myself on my own words of wisdom. Don't you hate it when you do that to yourself?
Have a healing weekend, Roland
You are definitely not out of your league. Good job, made me want to read more.
ReplyDeleteElaine, Thanks for the advice. I like it. And to those who encourge me to continue in this genre, thanks for your votes of confidence. You should know, though, that this story is meant to mix the faery realm with the "real" world. Not sure I'm up for the challenge.
ReplyDeleteIt's always an excellent exercise to try something outside your genre now and again. It doesn't mean you have to commit a whole novel to it. But you have a wonderful introduction to an interesting premise here, something to pull out and work on when you need a break from another project. And if it get far enough into it, you may see mixing faeries and real world characters is something you're good at!
ReplyDeleteHope you have a wonderful Easter weekend!
Awesome emotion, Wendy. There's not much here to go on, but even so, it's powerful and makes me feel a twinge for the character who is in so much pain. Kudos!
ReplyDeleteThis was markedly different than most of what I've read in this blogfest, genre-wise, and it was refreshing. You have an eye for description that translates well in your writing. I say keep working on this. :)
ReplyDeleteWendy, this is excellent. You are such a great writer. I want to read more and more of your story.
ReplyDeleteWendy, I saw colors, tasted the heat and felt her emotions. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing it with us.
Happy Easter!
Lola
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