On Progress, Part II (Or, The Blequel)

I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm actually posting a "blequel" (blog sequel...get it? I just made up that word...hope it catches on). In my last post, I praised modern technology, especially email and Skype. Today, I'm focusing on Facebook and instant messaging because it is saving my friend's life right now. If you'll indulge me...

My dear friend Teresa lives in Spain. I have known her almost since the day I arrived there in 1991, and she has remained my Spanish touchstone ever since. The same year she met me, she also met the man who would eventually become her husband, except that it shouldn't have been him.

In her 20s, my highly-intelligent, beautiful, and goofy friend lacked the most important quality - self-esteem. So when she met the young man in question, she ignored the red flags that desperately waved their warnings. Instead, she pursued him right to the altar. Several years later, she would tell me how her wedding day was the saddest day in her life...because she knew.

As soon as she had children (now ages 9 and 4), she began her descent into depression. She would talk about leaving her husband once the children were grown, but how would she live so miserably for so many more years? Locally, she didn’t have many friends since she’d become a workaholic to avoid time at home. It was hard for me to be so far from her, and though I visited a few times throughout those years, I felt more distanced from her with each visit...until this past Christmas.

During the holiday break, Teresa managed to have some significant conversations with friends she considered wiser than herself. Who knows if it was the fact that she'd hit 40, or if the moon was in the seventh house and Jupiter had aligned with Mars, but with the New Year, Teresa found the strength she needed to separate from her husband. It appears to be civil (so far), but it is far from easy.

This all leads up to the inspiration for today's "blequel". I logged onto Facebook this evening to see Teresa's status update where she rather vulnerably expressed how alone she feels. (Because she knows it's going to get worse before it gets better.) Immediately, I found her online and sent her an instant message, reminding her she wasn't alone because I was there. She said she needed me to hold her, which I said I would if I could. Her response? "I feel it either way."

This, my friends, is why I love technology. As my friend on the other side of the ocean sat alone in her quiet apartment while her children slept and her husband was NOT there, she needed someone to hold her. And though I couldn't physically wrap my arms around her, she felt me.

We chatted for a bit before I realized Teresa was taking a while to respond to my comments. Turned out she was also having an IM chat on Facebook with another mutual friend, who was apparently also sending love her way. I had to laugh as I accused Teresa of already playing the field. And though she could only type back, "Ha ha ha," I heard her laughter...it was beautiful.

So I once again thank the nameless but brilliant inventors of the instant message feature, of all social networking sites, of email (not you, Al Gore), and of my beloved Skype. Without this technology, my friend Teresa might have cried herself to sleep feeling completely alone and questioning every decision she'd ever made in her life. Instead, I'd like to believe she closed her eyes feeling a bit more relaxed after having had great chats with those who love her. The road ahead of her will undoubtedly be rocky and painful, but with friends accessible with just a few key strokes, Teresa will make it through this, coming out stronger because her friends were by her side.

On Facebook Birthdays (Or, 190 friends? How did that happen?)

Today (November 16) has been a glorious day, and not only because I celebrated completing another year of life. First, I received my annual phone call from my dear friend in Germany. Even though he was out of town on business and had to search desperately for somewhere to plug in where he was staying, he called me at 7pm my time, which is 1am his time. He'd been stuck in meetings all day and confessed to being a little drunk, and I love him for it.

Second, I received no fewer than 54 birthday wishes from Facebook friends - enough to keep me occupied all morning as little red flag announcements popped up in my FB bar minute by minute. It was great to receive good wishes from people who normally would have had no clue it was my birthday (and who probably wouldn't have cared for not knowing).  But as my profile page was filled with wall posts, it occurred to me...what about the other 136 friends in my list?

According to FB, I've got 190 friends, only 54 of whom cared enough to write a short message of happiness on my birthday wall, apparently. And that's just fine with me. Honestly, 54 is five times what I need. If I'd received 190 birthday messages, I might have found myself wishing I hadn't reached this annual milestone. So how did I end up with 190? Here's where Facebook annoys me.

When I first joined, back in 2008, I was very particular about who I requested friendship from and more particular about who I accepted if from. But just like in high school, where peer pressure forced us to sometimes hang with kids we didn't want to hang with, I've accumulated about 100 more FB friends than I care to have. (Not naming names here, of course.) I know how callous I sound, and I'm aware I may lose some FB friends in the wake of this post, but the good news is that any of you reading this are NOT part of the 100 or so I don't care about.

Conceptually, Facebook is a brilliant idea that has mostly been the funnest (yeah, I said "funnest") thing to come along since roller skates. I've loved reconnecting with people I thought I'd never hear from again, and more importantly, I love how connected I am to my overseas and out-of-state friends. For that, I thank the Facebook team almost every day. And as I stayed home today determined to write at least 1000 words, I didn't mind not accomplishing my task since I was busy chatting with FB friends in live chats or speaking to others on Skype (another worldly wonder).

Now, as I prepare to end my birthday, I will put my nasty attitude to rest and instead focus on the blessing of those friends who remembered me on my special day. My life is good and my true friendships - real and virtual - are beautiful. After dinner, I cracked open my Pei Wei fortune cookie and read, "Your life is a dashing and bold adventure." If the cookie says so, it must be true, and my friends are an integral part of it.