On T-9 Texting (Or, Yeah...some holdouts still use it)

If you're a touch texter or Qwerty texter like I am, you vaguely remember the days of T-9 texting, which is why it's time to revisit the days of yore and examine the humorous and not-necessarily-coincidental quirks of the T-9 dictionary.

As a quick review, T-9 texting attempts to make texting on a numeric keypad easier by trying to guess what word you want to type before you complete it. It's based on common patterns in English, but often sends the texter in an unintended direction. In honor of the approaching Christmas holiday, I provide my own Twelve T-9 Examples.

1. Start typing "kids" and you'll get "lies". The same can be achieved by asking your kids who left toothpaste spittle all over the bathroom sink.

2. If you're a Miami Dolphins football fan and want to text about the "fins", you'll get "egos", leading me to believe the T-9 programmers know more than they're letting on.

3. Type "blogging" and you'll discover that "clogging" is apparently more popular than blogging since it pops up first. (Does this mean I'm using the wrong forum to tout my observations? Perhaps I should attend a local ho-down...which would, if nothing else, provide great fodder for my next blog post, don't ya think?) Worth noting is that on the way to "clogging", you'll see "almighty" pop up as an option. Oh yes, blogging is certainly almighty.

4. Type "wide" and instead you'll get "wife", which will not please many of the married women-folk out there.

5. "Hell" becomes "he'll" because the T-9 programmers - wise as they may be about Dolphin football player egos - are really nerdy guys afraid of using bad words.

6. Start typing "kiss" and you'll get "lip" instead...which was the intention anyway, wasn't it?

7. Try typing "Viagra" and you'll first get "Thai" and then "tiara". Personally, I find the visual of a Thai man on Viagra wearing a tiara worth a thousand giggles.

8. Start typing "money" and you'll get "none". Apropos, no?

9. "Boyfriend" takes you on the road from "any" to "boxes" to "cower" - all words that could tell an intriguing story of one's love life.

10. Type "boss" and first you'll get "cop". For some people, the similarity may not be far off.

11. Here's one to piss off the feminists. Type "girl" and you'll first see "his".

12. And finally, type "home" and the best T-9 error appears..."good". I'll never complain about home being mistaken for good so long as my husband's wife is never mistaken for wide.

Despite the Twelve Days of Christmas theme (could you hear the music as you were reading the list?), I wish those who celebrate a Happy "Chanukah" - a word that comes up on T-9 as "chaotic" "chanting". Ah, I'm afraid the Christians will never figure us out.

Happy Holidays to everyone, and if you'd like to add any T-9 words to the list, feel free to expand this "dictionary", which comes up as "fiction" by the way. I love it.